In Defense of Children

We underestimate children.  I have been reminded of this fact lately with so many seeking to discredit Dylan Farrow.  I am particularly bothered by the notion that at 7 years old, Dylan only said what her mother told her to say.  I find this incredibly hard to believe.  While I find it painful to watch others label Mia a liar and manipulator, I am going to focus on the child.  Even if mothers would do something this horrible to their children, parental alienation doesn’t work because children don’t work that way.

I know this for two reasons:

         1)      I am the mother of two 7-year-olds.  I watch them try to figure out life every single day.

         2)      I remember my own experiences of child sex abuse at 7 years old.

Here are my observations about how children actually approach life:

An Open Letter to Those Defending Woody Allen

When I read the article by Dylan Farrow, I was shocked at her bravery, honesty and resiliency.  I was surprised at how she was willing to stand up against someone who is revered by our society as a talented artist.  However, I was more shocked by those who are willing to defend Woody Allen, a man who has been accused of child sexual abuse by one adopted daughter and married the other one.  The myriad of reasons for this defense show a complete lack of understanding for the complex trauma of a child sex abuse victim.  Let’s discuss some of those reasons:

1.  She is lying because she wants attention.  As a survivor of child sex abuse, sometimes I am asked if I want to be on television or in the newspapers.  In reality, I do want to be on television or in the newspapers.  But I don’t want to talk about my childhood story of pervasive sexual abuse and trafficking.  I want be on television because I have won the Nobel Peace Prize or cured cancer.  Nobody wants to talk about being victimized, but there is a longing deep inside of a sex abuse survivor to speak the truth.  In many cases, speaking the truth may be necessary to heal from the abuse.  In some cases, speaking the truth may bring about the justice that was evasive for so long.  It is not about attention.